My vow to my son Judah

Yesterday I had a nice long phone conversation with my step mom Dyan. We were catching up on daily life and how much Judah has grown when eventually the conversation was led to my paternal parents. My step mom was encouraging me how I was "Breaking the cycle" in my family with Judah. That he will never experience the childhood I had. She kept talking and was telling me how my father and mother never wanted me and how they displayed that in their actions, words and fists. She just was thinking out loud about how could some parents put their children through horrific nightmares just because they don't want their children and they viewed them as mistakes. That they should let people who want and would love them raise them in a good family environment. This wasn't new news to me. I knew I grew up with a bad home life, and having Judah brings out memories of my childhood that I don't care to recall. I do catch myself wondering how in the world could my mother have abandoned us, I could never abandon Judah. How in the world did my father think to ever raise his fist against us, I would never raise my fist against Judah. Did they cuddle us when we cried or scream at us to shut up. Did they watch us while we slept and wonder to themselves "how did I create this perfect human being" or where their hearts full of resentment. Did they share pictures of us with everyone they knew, or did they just regret the "mistakes" they made.
I don't have allot of good memories of my childhood.My mom locking us in the bathroom with her as my father drunkenly beat down the door.My father arguing with my mom and giving us his wedding ring.My father screaming out the window my mom is a whore and the MP coming to arrest him.My mom cutting herself in front of us and telling us later its our fault.My parents divorcing and my mom dating/marrying abusive men.My mom waking us up in the middle of the night to go to a safe home because one of her husbands beat her.My father drinking and doing drugs in front of us.I don't have allot of good memories of my childhood.I sometimes wish my brain would erase most of my these memories.
But I do have some good memories. My father married my step mom Dyan when I was 8.She mainly married him because her heart hurt for his three children.She changed our life.She loved us.She showed us how to laugh and have fun.She taught us about thrifting, painting, drawing, going on hikes in the woods.She taught us the value in friendships, loyalty and loving others especially in need.She has a great family and they loved on us like we were their own.She was a mom, they were our family.
Even though my paternal parents were a child's nightmare.That's not going to stop me from giving my son the best childhood I can provide. My son knows I love him.I watch his sweet face when he sleeps. I also share 1-3 pictures of his sweet sleeping face a night on IG. I ask my husband every day "How is Judah so perfect, he is just so sweet and beautiful".My heart swells when I see my son.I hug him every day and tell him how he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I vow to not be my parents to him.
I'm breaking the chain in my family. Its not by my strength but the Lords. He has put this desire in my heart to be a mommy.He has given me to tools to break the chains of my past. I don't see my son as a burden, but a blessing.He will have a life full of love, laughter and he will know that we wanted him.
Now I don't need to dwell on the past, or make my blog become the focus on things that have been done to me. Instead I choose to look to the future and cling onto the hopes and promises that I have in the Lord and live daily in the joy of being Judahs mom. To record our wonderful life as a family here. So he will always remember...we wanted him.


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Self Photo Challenge

I'm linking up with The Paper Mama today on her self photo challenge. I haven't liked the way I looked as of recent. My dark bags under my eyes won't seem to go away, my hair is a mess and I need to get back into shape. But I'm planning on taking more self photos this year! Not all pictures of Judah and Scott and some more of Judah.

This is me on almost zero sleep for days. About to drink my starbucks "blonde" coffee. I'm addicted.

Walking around the neighborhood.

Shadow chasing Judah.

Stopping to listen to the squirrels that were running nearby.

Hanging out with mama.

3rd day in a row sleeping in his crib for naps with out any crying!

He is very frustrated with the lady in front of us at Target. She was taking to long for him. It was actually quite funny.

Obsessing over…

My root canal I'm getting this Wednesday. I have to get a root canal I had done 2.5 years ago redone because my previous dentist accidentally broke off one of her instruments in my root and left it there. I have a high pain tolerance and an even higher fright of dentists hence me not going. But got x-rays before Scott went to London and my root canal is scheduled….praying for no more pain.

Working on…

Custom orders for my shop mycharmingcolors.etsy.com, some guest posts on blogs and crocheting more valentines hearts for Judah’s friends.

Thinking about…

How fast Judah is growing and becoming a mini man, and how he is starting to understand things more and how he has this fantastic sense of humor and he is only almost 14 months.

Anticipating…

Virginia beach next week!!! Yes I am meeting up with one of my IG now IRL mama friends Paige and her sweet son J. Judah and J are going to hit up the playground on the beach and the skate parks.

Listening to…

At this moment….Baby Einstein. Judah is teething and it makes him happy. But in the car we have one of our Shane and Shane CDs playing.

Eating…

Judah’s puffs. Hey they are apple flavored and I am not hungry for dinner.

Wishing…

Copying the Paper mama on this one. I wish I could live closer to my IG/Blog/Twitter mamas. Thank goodness I get to tag along with my husbands work travel so I can meet a bunch of ya’ll this year xo

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In Love with Old Lucketts

Today we decided to visit this adorable little shop called Old Lucketts. I've been wanting to visit for some time now and was pretty excited about todays trip. 

The trip was a very short 30 min drive to a quaint little town outside of leesburg called Lucketts

I LOVE this tub!!! Im tempted to get one just to put in our backyard to plant some lavender in. Although, my dream house comes with cast-iron claw foot tub extra deep so I can take extra long baths in them. 

Also this couch! I am dying and not even in the front door.

I think this couch would look perfect in our front sitting room.

Love the 3rd floor bedroom!! I might incorporate some of the ideas and colors into my own bedroom.

Judah loved the fake doggie. 

I love what they did with old books, they took off the covers and wrapped twin around them. 

Family picture! We kept trying to take pictures with every vintage mirror we saw but their were so many people around. This was one of the only empty rooms. Also please don't mind Scotts crazy eye, he had eye surgery yesterday and is still recovering.

Grabbed some wood fire pizza outside before we took off. 

If your local and you haven't been to Old Lucketts you have to check it out. Next weekend they have their biggest and only sale of the year. I would totally check it out but unfortunately I get my root canal done this week and I am pretty sure I'l be out of commission for the weekend. But I will be at one of their future design house weekends in the spring. Any local ladies want to go with? I would love to go sans Judah next time, or am willing to take Judah during the weekday when the crowds are not to bad.

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The winner is...

The winner of the My Charming Colors Giveaway is 

Thank you everyone who participated in my giveaway. Be sure to keep checking the blog because I will be doing another giveaway on another blog next month and will post all the fabulous details here!

Amanda be sure to email me so I can start working on your custom order

jessica.a.west (at) gmail.com

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Hipster Baby Judah

My son is such a ham. He loves wearing these cute hipster sun glasses I thrifted for him yesterday and doesn't mind keeping them on his face. I kind of secretly hope he needs glasses when he has to start going to school. He looks so cute with them!

Helping us pick up some Friday night snacks.

Here is a video of Judah on the swings at our local park. 

I'll announce the Giveaway winner tomorrow. You still have a few hours to sign up! My Charming Colors Giveaway
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Daddy is home!!!

Did you know that today is the last day to enter the My Charming Colors Giveaway? I will announce the winner tomorrow!
Scott texted me while Judah and I were thrifting at Unique yesterday saying "I'll see you at 7:30!". I frantically tried calling, texting and sent him a message on twitter to see what he was talking about, he wasn't supposed to be back till Friday and I wasn't sure if I missed something. I finally reached him (its hard trying to get someone on their cell phone across seas) and he said he was able to get an early flight home and was boarding. I was thrilled!
Judah and I finished our thrifting then headed to Home Depot to get some spray paint for some DIY projects I have around the home. It was so hard to choose because they have so many pretty bright colors.  While I was at Home Deport I received a phone call from my "spiritual dad" Dr Tim Tatum, I took Judah to the garden area and carted him around while I talked to Dr Tim for a bit. 

Took Judah to Chick Fil A for a special lunch, I wanted to keep him out as much as possible. He had fun playing in the kids area while the bigger kids were jumping on the slide.

Judah went down for a nap and I took this beautiful mirror I thrifted for $2 from good will and prepped it outside to spray paint. I didn't realize that the mirror had a chip on the side of it until right after I bought it. You can't even tell its been chipped after I spray painted it.

Judah got up and we went on a long walk around the neighborhood. He even wore his cute glasses I thrifted for him at unique earlier in the day.

My body felt like it could barely move. I was exhausted. So we made a trip to Starbucks and then went to Target to walk around before Scott's flight landed. 

Judah was being super cute in the back seat while I was driving to the airport. I was excited in anticipation that he was about to see his daddy. He was excited! A sweet excitement he kept putting his hand on Scotts mouth and just started saying "dada! Dada!!!!"

Went to Red Robin for dinner. Figured it was a place we could quickly leave if Judah had a meltdown. Also Judah is a huge fan of their steak fries. Scott had fun showing Judah all his presents from London. 

Judah would sit and wait for Scott to come back when ever he left the room and if Scott took longer than 2 mins then Judah would walk around to seek him out. 

Our night ended with family snuggles and watching missed shows on Hulu. Then we all ended up falling asleep because our hearts and minds were at peace because we were back together as a family. Scott said he woke up early this morning and Judah and I didn't budge, that we must have been really tired. 

Make sure to enter the giveaway if you haven't done so already!!

Happy Friday Everyone!!!

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yesterday

I didn't blog yesterday because I was exhausted and while I am typing this during Judah's nap I'm looking at my words and they seem all sorts of funny to me. The good news is that Scott comes home tonight! He took an early flight and left London this morning! Yesterday morning I couldn't drink my hot coffee fast enough because I was chasing Judah all over the place. This week I feel like life has been in the fast lane, maybe its because I'm exhausted and Judah now resembles a baby roadrunner zooming around the house laughing and screaming because he wants his mommy to catch him. I know in a few weeks I'll look back and smile, my son is like me, he is feisty, he is the baby roadrunner who laughs.
Plotting which direction he wants to run in. 

Succesfully drank one hot cup of coffee and was onto my second cup. I think when Scott comes home I may need a coffee intervention.

Trying to run past me while I'm trying to tickle him, its a game we play. 

Taking a break to show me the treats in his mouth.

Taking his dinosaur out on a walk.

I sent these doggie pictures to Scott telling him I think we really need to get a dog. Just look at the pure joy in Judahs face from petting our neighbors dog, he kept hugging her saying "auggie!". 

Library visit, I'm sure we will be back sometime this weekend. 

Scott's valentines gift from me came in. Its another wall scripture art from one of my favorite Etsy stores Old Barnyard Rescue Company. We are going to put this verse in our family room so we are daily reminded to be brave and not to be discouraged by people who want to bully you. I really want to eventually get the Zephaniah 3:17 verse because this verse has spoken to my heart many times.

Finally got this wiggle worm to fall asleep at 10:30 last night! That's huge! He is such a night owl and and normally sleeps at 11 or a bit later which I normally don't mind because Im a night owl, its just really hard when Scott is out of town. 

This morning I didn't let Judah sleep in and woke him up early so maybe he can go to bed earlier tonight.
I apologize for my discombobulated thoughts. I'll get it together in a day or two. Life is in the fast lane this week, everything is a blur, including my roadrunner son zooming around the house.
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